Beware...some major transparency

***I hope that whoever reads this is challenged and encouraged to trust in God's ways. He loves us so much and knows what is best. His timing is perfect. This is a testimony of how God is teaching me this invaluable lesson. He is so good!

Ever since I was a young girl, I dreamed of getting married to prince charming, having a handful of kids and living happily ever after. Being a homemaker and mommy has been a desire of mine for as long as I can remember. Well, I married my prince charming 11 years ago and had a son 5 years ago. My dreams and hopes seemed to be coming true.

For the past 3 years, I have experienced some of the hardest challenges I have ever faced regarding my desires. At this point, a future of having more children doesn't seem to be in God's plan for my life and family. It seems my Lord has other plans....plans that are beyond my control and plans that I don't fully understand. In the midst of this inner battle, Jesus has given me peace and direction. I read an incredible book and it helped me to understand that if life isn't going exactly the way "I want it to", trust God to lead me in the way He wants me to go. Set new goals and pray about them. Deep down I wondered if I even had other goals. If so, what were they? How could I figure them out? I really believe that God has given me the desires that I have but He also knows what is best for me in His time and in His way. He made me and He deserves my devotion and trust.

I have prayed over this so much and the Lord has reminded me of a few things. First, I have a husband and a son that I love very much. I need to invest my life in their lives and be thankful for what the Lord has already given me. He gave them to me and I need to treasure them. Second, I don't need to focus on what I don't have but what I do have. Third, I believe that God has given me a love for babies for a reason. I may not be able to use it directly in my personal life but I can share that love in other ways. As a result of this love and passion I am pursuing the realm of nursing. Now I dream of one day being able to put my love for babies and mommies to work and help them during a very life-changing time. (As well as loving my growing 5 year old miracle baby ;) I am excited about my new journey and looking forward to the things God is going to teach me. I don't know what the future holds, but God does and that should be enough for me. I still have days that I struggle with my biological clock and emotions but I rest in God's peace. He knows and understands how I feel. I am SO thankful for His hope. I choose to focus on Jesus and the things that He has planned for me. Sometimes those plans are not always what we plan or even dream of. This life is not my own, it belongs to the God I serve. What greater privilege do I have than this?